I hate this feeling, why am I so down? It's always this period of time before my Birthday and I'm feeling so down. 21 more days to my Birthday and I'm feeling like this. NO, Last last year it was like this and the previous year it was the same. This year it mustn't be this mundane && depressing. It should be filled with joyfulness. C'mon I can outrun this emotion in me and release all my endorphin in my body.

I have the urge to go to club, and this is totally not right. But the desire is getting super overwhelming :( Please God give me the strength resist it. 

I wanna do this I wanna do that, but but I always find myself unable to accomplish them and feeling so lousy in the end :/ When I know I needa change, I'll automatically wanna do it immediately. However, God always show me that I'm unable to handle it & it require patience and perseverance to achieve it. It's not about doing it right now and I will get the result I want. It's super difficult yet doable for us. And nowadays I judge people so quickly. When people tell me their struggling with something, I will have the mindset that why can't you have self-discipline to overcome it and withstand it. Where has my empathize went to? To recall that I in the past needa self-discipline to overcome it and it isn't easy. Sigh. Idk why but all these negative thoughts are harming me. I needa get the positive mindset to be the hype up me once again. Even like titanic and avengers. I'm not joining them for it. I just feel like having sometime alone. I just needa do some reflection. All this is draining me out, I needa recharge myself.