Heartrending

Today I felt had the worst feeling of my life again. Disheartening just sets into my heart and I felt I'm useless once again. Every single comment my relatives or even some stranger who commented on me I would feel it so much. Even a simple sentence like "Missy ah, you don't know how to help or you don't know what to do?" 
Seriously, it just makes me feel so dumb and why am I in nursing? Why srsly Derrick why? I feel so freaking useless. Why can't I do a good job? Totally don't know what am I doing. 
Seen my grandma today and it just soooooo heartbreaking to see her in this condition. I see my dad's expression, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles' ones, I'll feel even more. What can I do to help my grandma? 
There's sooo much I can do yet I'm doing the least. Seriously screw me. 
My grandma currently can't even sit herself up not even eating much and she's super scrawny . Sigh.What a failure Grandson I am. I can't even fork out time for her, what is this :( 
I gonna visit her after my work after 3pm. Seriously, I needa do something. I hated myself so much. I can't even take care of my grandma, how am I gonna take care of the patients I have in the ward? Maybe that's why I'm such a failure. Maybe this is God's test for me, to mold me to become a better nurse and a mature one. I really hope I will change. Through pain, agony and suffering I'll be even stronger.

Stop standing there.