What a Friday. Really, it just simply convicted me right through my heart once again. What we need is a small group, what we need is courage, what we need is to open to one another and allow each other into our hearts. That's something so simple yet difficult to achieve. I do learnt a lot from today workshop, it really gives me a huge tight slap right in my face when I take God for-granted. I didn't really put myself in his shoes. Am I God-fearing enough? Am I looking forward to Heaven one day? Am I afraid of Hell? All these questions are running to and fro in my mind. I strike me so deeply that I could just tear right here right now. Really. It just breaks me apart to really know that I disappoint God so much. Until a extend that I really know I have no more solution but to really confess, repent and seek advices from others. Here a analogy: One day, There's a fussy patient which I have to attend to and every time I attended to him, he will demands a lot of things. And definitely he wants the things to be done his way. It's pretty frustrating to know that I have a lot of stuff to do yet I have to attend to him to please him. Put it in this way, What if God is the nurse and we are the patient? Ain't we the same? Ain't we demanding so much from Him? When he's doing his best to nurse us? Yet we as patient don't even empathize Him, and keep demanding so much from Him and keep complaining I'm in pain/ why are you so slow? Do we ever put ourselves in His shoes before? What is he thinking? He still give us what we wants in the end, cause He loves us so much. Sometimes I really wish I could apply that into practice when I'm working. It's so toilsome to do it. To really be like God, so giving, so merciful, so graceful and nil complacent.Tomorrow I won't be in Church, and to hear Phua Hee said that he will give me a video/dvd of the workshop for tomorrow and Angelo saying he will send me the lesson. It just give me the love and the warmth that only disciple could give me.
Just another three more days, it would be my first year as a Christian. Wow! Time just flew pass me so fast yet I'm growing tremendously. For this year as a Christian, I wanna change in so many areas. Wanna overcome those struggles that I know I can do it, wanna be more spiritually high in terms of r/s with the brothers, wanna change my attitude when I'm talking to my parents/sisters/people who are close to me, wanna change my fear of challenging others and to be firm when I'm saying it, wanna reach out to the people in the world to really share my faith and conviction and not being such introvert guy anymore.
Hmm, that's all I could think of right now... It's slumber time. Nights.
