Something just strike my head intensely on Wednesday on Prayer Night. I really don't know what to do right now, what is my relationship with God. Is it just master and servant relationship or something more than that? Can He be the one that cheer me up the most when I'm down? Can He be the first to be told when I'm having problem? What will we be feeling if we didn't talk to God for a day? Where am I standing right now? Away from God or towards God?

Come to think of it, I really don't know, I'm still caught up with those emotional feelings that I can't get rid of which really makes me feel so upset, depressed, emotionally unstable. Why Derrick why? Why can't I just be strong enough to rely on God? 

Watched Money Not Enough 2 on Channel 8 can really make me breakdown and cry so badly. Is just like my awesome late Grandmother. Oh gawd, every time I think of it. It's only filled with sadness, regrets. Why didn't I do this, why didn't I do that? But now, why hasn't me be thinking what shall I do now, Right now. The genuine love that I have, I should be showering my tender loving care towards everybody and stop mourning and weeping all night about it. Move on Derrick. 

Concurrently, I lost my true self. Sometimes I still feel I don't even need the Brothers and Sisters from Church. I just feel so lonely. In this time of intensive attachment, I doubt I'll survive for long. God be with me.

I'll remember you.

I miss you deeply.