Deciding should I give my off day to my friend cause she's going HK. If I don't give it to her, I will feel so guilty & all the pressure is coming to me. I'm like the only solution to her problem. But will anybody think of me? Sigh. I can compromise myself but on Jan 1st I have to work AM which means after 31st of Dec's PM shift I have to go count down straight and have feel hours of sleep then go to work? Totally not cool. What should I do? If I give her my off day, I will me tiresome/miss out church/ miss out the fun/ suffering alone.
Gonna have Batam retreat in a few hours, but I'm still pondering whether should I go. If I go, 70$ will fly away, unable to have family discussion on my taiwan trip with my relatives in the night, won't be able to meet up my friend after my attachment at 3pm when I end my shift. But if I don't go, I'll definitely feel that I'm missing out something, feel that I let God down :( and I know money doesn't really matters cause all these are excuses. I should put God first in my priority and Pamela wants me to go. Sigh, So should I go?
I really don't know, feeling headache and wanna rest but I'm only left with 5hours of sleep.
Totally helpless right now.
Get advice already so I guess I'll not give my off day to myself? For once I'm being so heartless. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN. I know I'm a soft-hearted person. What to do? I'm left with limited choices, I hope my friend really understand how much stress I'm going through. Even going to a Batam retreat, I still have so many other things to think of. Really, God is really training me to make decisions on my own. After all, I'm the one who is gonna make the decision in the end. No one can say what you did is wrong or right. Only I myself and God will know it. I'm surrendering everything to God and hope He will give me an answer.
Today lesson by Jason and Erica really is like thousands of arrows piercing through my heart. Seriously, what they have said I heard before and this time round is the second reminder I'm having. I really needa reflect on myself. What am I doing? Am I affecting the sisters around me? I do guess I have and it's really time to change change change. So many thoughts gushing right through my little tiny weeny brain and I'm freaking out soon. With the stuff I needa know for attachment is already huge enough. I'm weighing everything on my shoulders. Oh God, Help me out :(
Skinny love
