Weakness

One of my biggest weakness is I couldn't make myself to tell the truth in love to the Brothers. In short, Challenge them. I can't. For me, to express my feelings verbally is really difficult. My family doesn't do that, and thus I can' really do it right now. The action of love is like through action for my family and I do learnt that from young. Maybe I could change, but I really need time. For me to challenge somebody is totally out of my mind, people tend to say do it cause you love them cause you don't wanna see them getting hurt by themselves or even seeing them going to hell. But then, when you gonaa do it, it's really really backbreaking. Expressing my feelings verbally is already a challenge, for me to challenge them is like 100x more difficult man! OH GAWD. 

I do feel that people portrait me as a joker or a happy-go-lucky guy, but deep down in me, I definitely do feel a lot. So when I challenge people or even say nice things to people, they might think I'm sarcastic or even joking, maybe the tone i'm using isn't serious but then yeah, I still trying to change. On the other hand, if I'm joking, people will tend to think that I'm being serious. So ya, it's like the opposite way for me. COMPLICATED MUCH. 

But definitely I'm feeling encouraged a lot by the cards people gave me, people praying on stage for me, people initiating to spend time with me. I totally appreciate that a lot! THANKS PEOPLE ♥ 

Even what Mel has told me on Friday, I see tear in her eyes. It really makes me wanna tear too when she shared that She do feel the sadness when she thinks about her grandpa and had the feeling of being doted the much. It's agonizing, I do empathize her a lot and it definitely took a lot of courage for her to tell me that. I really really do acknowledge and treasure it so much. Something that I needa keep within my soul, that there's always a time for people to part/depart. We just needa be strong. Emotions are always there, when it's time to show it, i need to show it.