Sometimes

Sometimes I just wish everything will just end now. But what if I go to hell? Things that make me wanna live even better.

Sometimes I just wanna find somebody to be with to kill my loneliness but only God can fill up the void within me just that I can't see him. This alone can just destroy me instantly if I keep thinking that way. I needa feel it feel it feel it. One by one, slowly solitude just gonna eat me up alive :( 

Sometimes I just feel like watching lion king over and over again so I can cry my heart out. Seriously I wish i can do it, even now.

Sometimes I wish there is someone who will initiate to ask me out to spend time or anything else instead of me always initiating. This is freaking wearing me physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. I can't take it any longer.

Sometimes I wish if there's anyone out there cared for me.

Sometimes I wish I'm not myself, so I won't even needa think all these and get myself so troubled for every single day.

Sometimes I wish I'm more closer to the brothers in church, but it doesn't seems so easy after all. Only for a time being we could be together/talking and then it will just all goes back to beginning when everybody start sticking to their clique. Asking me out is not an option I guess. I'm just part of the minority.
Sometimes I wish I can be more open to the brothers in order to get closer to them.
Sometimes I wish I have lesser friends so I really can spend time with the people I want to.

Am I more than just an option?

I guess not.

I felt as though I'm just an option after all.