I just having lots of mixed feeling within me, myself and I. I'm in a dilemma at times and often make mistakes but i guess that is what we will do in life cause we ain't perfect and don't deserve to be perfect.
But at least I tried to be. I'm ain't as stubborn as before, everyone's comment on me I'll take note of it and listen. Even though I might not say anything to you, in my heart i really do appreciate what you've done for me. Thankyou.
Sometimes I just felt I don't belong to the brothers. But there's still a few of them I can relate to. I might have tried several ways but may be the only way I didn't try out was to tell them that I hate that feeling, tell them how I feel about it. Seriously, what can I do? I just hate seeing people getting guilty cause of what I said and what I do. I just don't want them to hurt/ feeling guilty/ give in to me. That isn't what I want. That's why, I always do what I say. I'll try my very best to do it. Nonetheless, most of the time people forgets what they said they will do for me. That seriously just inflicted the pain directly to my heart. I'm feeling more vulnerable right now, everything people said/do , I'll really get affected by them. I just can't help it. Maybe I just have to keep my expectation as low as possible. And pretend what I say wasn't important. It just shows me how insignificant I could be in their eyes. But I still treat them like how I treat other people. I will not have grudge but I'll still feel the misery that they have brought me. It'll never goes away.
May God work things right for me. I needa stay strong & not be a people pleaser.
It's still something I'm trying to overcome.
Prayer can do miracles but not immediate miracles.
We need Patience.
"If you focus on what you left behind, you'll never able to see what lies ahead"
-Remy
