I wish you were here

2012-02-01T22:21:00.000+08:00

Fell ill again, what a day in work. Filled with so much stress and the sickness (headache, malaise, rhinitis, cough) It's annoying much. Got to really buck up and rest. I needa be recovered! I won't wanna be ill and screwed up my attachment. I wonder how much stuff I bought during my attachment period. I seems to have bought quite a number of stuff. SERIOUSLY. I needa stop soon. What a shopaholic I am.
Enough of my ranting. Time to really get some sleep. Ciao.

Farewell Party For Nichola

2012-01-30T23:25:00.000+08:00

Add caption

As usual, I got the forfeit. SUPER DUPER FUNNY AND EMBARRASSING! Needa do somersault and do the chicken dance in front of everybody, TROLOLOLOL. Glad Angie was there with me :)

She is leaving to melbourne on 4th of Feb and it's really coming so soon! Before this, I keep hearing her saying she going to pursue her studies and right now it simply just happened and less than a weeks' time she'll be parted with us for 2 years. Oh god, I will definitely miss her! Such amazing big sister to me, she's like one of them first few who reached out to me on Sentosa's amazing race when I first met the whole teens. It was pretty scary in the beginning but after knowing all of them, it isn't that bad after all. Instead, it was super lovely to know them all! I'm glad I was invited by Pamela, truly and sincerely thanking God for everything that happened within this 2 years of my life. Really. Without God and the people around me, I won't be who I am right now.
All the best in your studies Nic. We will see each other pretty soon! :)
As usual, I'll do funny things and make people laugh. During the date on Sat, I banged into a tree while looking at my camera. Went to the wrong side of the toilet at Settlers Cafe. It's like WOAH! What have I been occupying my mind? LOL. Getting more blur as the days go by.
I really needa be awake!

School Is The Theme

2012-01-29T02:48:00.000+08:00

Dated Nathalie
& our theme was "School Kid". She dress so appropriately unlike me. Oh God, Kinda spoiled the theme but it still looks great though.
It was a lovely and pleasant until we reached Potong Pasir when my plan didn't work out. THE TURTLE SOUP STORE IS CLOSED TILL 30/01/2012 CAUSE OF CNY?!?!?!
It simply just troll me upside down. I wanted to eat it so badly la, seriously. And we changed our plan to HOLLAND V and found Kenny Roger so we ate there! Not bad the food there was alright, still edible! ;)
And we went to play board games @ Settlers Cafe. First time I been there, and it was a great experience for me! LOVE THE PEOPLE THERE SO MUCH! WITH NATHALIE, MATTHEW, PUAYFONG, ARTHUR AND CHRISTABELLAAA. WE HAD SO MUCH FUNN!!! :) Awesome
It was quite a simple and last minute plan date due to the failure planning of the turtle soup :( But ultimately, we all did had fun and get to know and learn more about each other. Interestingly. It just makes me feel so good to encourage somebody after my long and tiring work for the week. It never have been so lovable and enjoying to mix with different kinda people! It's just so amazing! :D
Looking forward to my next date! Gonna do something spastic again (:

2012-01-25T22:40:00.000+08:00

Madness101withmylovablecousins

Chinese New Year Day 1

2012-01-24T02:42:00.000+08:00

Why am I so soft-hearted for the wrong reasons? I really do wonder why.
As usual, this year CNY is all about majong once again. Sometimes I wish I could stop playing majong and have a htht session with my cousins. It's much more beneficial than mahjong mahjong and mahjong non-stop for 7 hours. Simply ridiculous yet I still do it. This year definitely don't have the chinese new year mood, my paternal's side grandma has passed away maternal grandpa has passed away. And it's a suspicious for them to not give red packets, it's not about the red packets but more of getting up and seeing how are they doing. Reached my maternal side's relatives house and realized there's a whole new conflict once again. About these and that, pretty annoying and to see my grandma getting skinnier and bedridden it's pretty sad. I wish I could do something for her, but i don't know how. It's always the lack of courage that drives me to appease people again and again. Hate myself for that, seriously. It's like millions of arrows had been shot at me at once go.

It's just the beginning of Cny. Hope tomorrow will be a much more pleasant day.

2012-01-22T22:09:00.001+08:00

Out of a sudden I feel just so sadden by everything. Amazing Grace ♥ The song that makes my heart breaks so badly, ever since my Grandma passed away. Hate to say that I wish I could be stronger in many ways and really wishes that I won't feel so incompetent when others. But I know God has a plan for everybody , even me. The time hasn't been right yet but it will definitely comes. No matter how much tantrum or anger we throw, God's decision won't change. It will only makes us wanna drift away from God if we keep complaining & comparing. Sometimes I wish I wasn't quiet while with people with higher authority and older people. It just makes me feel so weak, inferior & suppressed. Unable to express my emotions like I used to be, sigh. Always feels that I have to obey their instructions, give them the ample amount of respect. Why? Why can't I have casual talks with them? Argh. I just don't get it :/ I guess I needa wait for the right time.

2012-01-21T23:02:00.000+08:00

My blog is fantastically well edited by Fiona! THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN! (: If i have to figure it out myself, it will definitely takes ages la! Anyway Today was a pretty relax day for me yet I'm feel so enraged within me. The anger can really kill me instantly. I wish I could just stab myself right now instate of being such an ass! Really. I can't stand it, why can't I appease him? Why can't he obey me? WHYWHYWHY? Seriously just stab me. I rather not face you! Relax derrick relax, everything will be fine. Just bear with it for four more weeks!

2012-01-18T10:49:00.001+08:00

Done with my final night shift, and I'm really really tired. Tired of the job scope I have to cover up, doing junior work and SN work. The amount of stress I have to cope is always piling up in my mind and it's forever there. Nonetheless I learnt a lot from it, knowing my strength and weakness and it's time to buck and it's already serve me as a last warning if not anything bad might happen to me, as far as failing this posting. Thank God for every single thing He had given me and shown me. Really appreciated him so much. Woah, I came back from work till now I'm still awake, able to concuss and just have my beauty sleep but I refused. Since when have I reflect about my life? Everything seems to vague when I said I had reflected but deep down I have not done a proper one. The denial of myself through time had made me a different person and mold me up better as well. However in another perspective I might lose true self, not knowing what I want. But God has shown me the way till now. Not being self-focus is really something I have been doing during my 11month as a Christian. The up and downs makes me stronger and allow me to guard my heart. To others, guarding of the heart might be difficult, might be challenging but really surrender to God and that is how things will start changing. For me to be so easily not to be self-focus, mainly cause I'm surrender-er. Much more worst than a people-pleaser I should say. Things that I couldn't change much. It's definitely my weakness but in a other hand it can be my strength cause I can totally rely on God without hesitation. Anyway Time for me to get some sleep before my activity day starts, done with my facial therapy and Strawberry here I come.!

6th Date

2012-01-15T23:23:00.001+08:00

HappyBirthdayMat♥

My ugly sushi

Pro orange squeezer :)

My date Rachel Louis :)

Fantastically planned date! AWESOME! :) Had lots of fun with all of them! WEEEEEE! Date is always special and boomz. Spiritually fed and encouraged and at the same time I encouraged her too! BRILLIANT! Looking forward to my Next date Nathalie :D

2012-01-14T23:36:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday Matthew!
My mind was in a blank I suppose, so many things I wanna share but it just didn't came out from my mouth. You are definitely one of the quiet and amazing brother I know. Like what the others had shared you are loving in your own way and I do felt it at times but I guess I did reject the love from you too. And I'm truly guilty and remorseful about it. I wonder why I do it at times, maybe it's because of the awkwardness I guess. But I do realized my mistake and I'll change to be a better and understanding brother in the future.

Glad the planned work and Mat was surprised ;) Really awesome to plan something and give all my heart and soul for somebody, really it matters alot! Especially what today's biblestudy is all about Charity! Giving is not only by will but it require love at times. When we like somebody we will tend to give more attention to the somebody and it doesn't mean it's bad or even showing favoritism. It's like if you like to eat apple you will eat it everyday! But overeating is definitely no good. Like too much vitamin it's hurtful to our body, so apply to that, if you show too much attention to the somebody till you neglect your studies or everything it's bad too. Excessive is always no good for us. And now I realized sometimes I do things cause of guilt. Cause I always feel I'm doing not good enough for God and it's really bad. A bit of guilt driven is always good but too much it's harmful to us as well. It guess I should start knowing it and realized that i'm not perfect and no point striving to be perfect, cause I still need God and rely on God all the times. We might fall all the times, but we just needa keep repenting and keep standing up tall again and again. It really convict me deeply and teaches me how to handle stuff in a much mature way too.
Hope Mat will love the surprise ven, jada, paul, rachel, jinyang, jason, angelo and I had prepared :) Tomorrow will be another great day ahead, hope the date will go well! :D
Thank God for all these. ♥

So close

2012-01-08T23:59:00.000+08:00

Missed Sunday Service for the first time in 2012. But I'm still feel encouraged by what Venessa and Matthew has done. They text-ed me the sermon for the day. I really appreciated it so much, it's like something I would do if people doesn't come to church/miss church. Felt the presence that they still have the thought of sending it to me. ♥ you guys M & V. Allowing me a chance to send the sermon to Alexis. Awesome, glad to know that she's coping well, May God continue be with her at all times & watch over her!
After God's own heart, I have to feel like God and think how will he do when things just ain't going well. 1 Samuel 13:13 ' Love people the same way God loves people and hate sin the same way God hates sin.'
This really put us to the test when we have to deny ourselves and do the unthinkable thing which wordly people will doubt us of being capable to achieve it.
The thing that really catches my heart is to love people until it hurts cause in that way, I will connect with God better. We don't connect at times because we think it's painful but we have to because God is like this to us. He has been hurt in many ways yet he still love us unconditionally. So we got to change our mindset about fellowship. Fellowship is essential. Think about it as ' This is the time to build an awesome friendship'.

Stop holding on to things we cannot change,

but adapt to what we have and can change.

2012-01-06T00:10:00.002+08:00

Hmm, come to think of it, I haven't really sum up my 2011. Today is the day!!! 2011 had been such a heartwarming, lovely & unpredictable fabulously awesome year. Being able to get baptized, facing with lots of heartbreaking issues, learning to be a better christian, feeling the amazing love from the people around me and definitely to know God in a deeper way. It's just so awe! 2011 definitely made me stronger and realizing so many things about myself and to really love the people around me. Especially my sisters and parents. And through the toughest time of my life, I realized that there are so many brothers and sisters who will go through thick and thin with me, always being there for me. Things that I didn't know I have and lastly to know that if all things fail, there will be God being there for me every single moment. I thank God for all these little things that he put in my life, enable me to dwell in such a wonderful place with sooooo many amazing people who will love me unconditionally ♥♥♥
May 2012 be as fruitful as the year begin!

2012-01-04T23:12:00.001+08:00

Belated pictures. Endured my two nights in the ward and it's almost killed me. Every single night feeling so famished and weak, nonetheless I still thank God for letting me withstand all these obstacles. Thank you Lord.

This year New Year Resolution, I think and think and think. Only today and only after today I realized my relationship with my four sisters and my parents needa get higher than before. The only thing came into my mind was bringing my faith and relationship with God higher than ever. But I guess God wants me to change in the ways I treat my sisters and parents. This will be one of the biggest challenge of all times. After talking to Joke, Jadason and Arthur I guess this is it. Time to make a change in this. Thank God for putting them into my life. I'm truly learnt a lot. Think is the keyword for now on.

Putting God above all earthly things

2012-01-01T22:18:00.003+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's a continue of a new chapter with newer challenges. C'mon 8 more weeks to go baby till graduation.

My awesome poly sisters! :)

Life won't be amazing without them and those ain't in the pictures. Like what I said before God give his toughest battle to his toughest soldiers. I'm so gonna excel in it and do my very best. May this New Year be a fabulous one, I know it won't be easy but God is always on my side. Glory to be on God.

What's my New Year's resolution? hmm, I guess it would be spurring even higher for God and it's people. Be a helping hand to the people around me, help the lost, grow as spiritually high as possible for this year mark my turn for NS.

Where is the love, we found love.

2011-12-29T13:16:00.000+08:00

Amazingly I wrote about 30 letters to 30 different people when I was sick and busy with attachment, I'm still feel pretty astonished by what I have done. Really. The things I wrote was kinda remarkable, things that I couldn't remember after I wrote for all of them but it's the experienced we had and I did really think very deep so that I can encourage them as well. Even though not everybody give me the simple return of acknowledge but it's alright though. Just realized something a few days ago when Alexis told me that acknowledge and encouragement from humans are like bonus if you have it it's great but if you doesn't have it it's alright as well. Cause I already received encouragement from God through the Bible and it is all it matters. That should be the only way to really not feel so disappointed when people don't give you encouragement and what's not. Glad now I'm feeling much better and don't need words of encouragement from people. I still need time to pray about it and change in my thinking. Appreciate what Alexis has shared with me, May Lord protect her and watch over her all the time and that she will be safe in US.

2011-12-28T13:47:00.000+08:00

Christmas is over, now I can't wait for 2011 to ends and welcome 2012. 2012 please be a good year that I won't fall ill and my new year's resolution, what will it be? I still haven't have much time to think about it, time to recuperate and enjoy my off days. Have fun people!

Merry Christmas

2011-12-26T00:01:00.000+08:00

Batam retreat with the poly ministry ( somehow we stayed back and get to take some pictures :D )

Poly Ministry

As usual the Brothers in poly is during some spastic move.

My 5th date : Christabella

Obscure

2011-12-19T20:32:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm a pretty obscure guy that you might not haven't heard of me. Insecurity is getting over me again :/ The flaws I have right now is penetrating my heart so deeply everything I think about it, the judging, the critical comments I had and my attitude. Totally so wrong. I wish I could stop it. I don't wanna hurt anybody. No one at all. Freaking hate myself for being such a pain in the ass. But there's a saying which goes like this God give his hardest battle to his toughest soldiers. We're the soldiers going through a hardest battle, with the struggles I'm facing it is terribly difficult to overcome. God bless me God I need you.

Skinny love

2011-12-17T00:27:00.000+08:00

I'm having dilemma, oh gawd. Feeling ultra stress up! So many things I needa decide right now and I'm totally lost and here comes my flu which is killing me.
Deciding should I give my off day to my friend cause she's going HK. If I don't give it to her, I will feel so guilty & all the pressure is coming to me. I'm like the only solution to her problem. But will anybody think of me? Sigh. I can compromise myself but on Jan 1st I have to work AM which means after 31st of Dec's PM shift I have to go count down straight and have feel hours of sleep then go to work? Totally not cool. What should I do? If I give her my off day, I will me tiresome/miss out church/ miss out the fun/ suffering alone.
Gonna have Batam retreat in a few hours, but I'm still pondering whether should I go. If I go, 70$ will fly away, unable to have family discussion on my taiwan trip with my relatives in the night, won't be able to meet up my friend after my attachment at 3pm when I end my shift. But if I don't go, I'll definitely feel that I'm missing out something, feel that I let God down :( and I know money doesn't really matters cause all these are excuses. I should put God first in my priority and Pamela wants me to go. Sigh, So should I go?
I really don't know, feeling headache and wanna rest but I'm only left with 5hours of sleep.
Totally helpless right now.
Get advice already so I guess I'll not give my off day to myself? For once I'm being so heartless. DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN. I know I'm a soft-hearted person. What to do? I'm left with limited choices, I hope my friend really understand how much stress I'm going through. Even going to a Batam retreat, I still have so many other things to think of. Really, God is really training me to make decisions on my own. After all, I'm the one who is gonna make the decision in the end. No one can say what you did is wrong or right. Only I myself and God will know it. I'm surrendering everything to God and hope He will give me an answer.

Today lesson by Jason and Erica really is like thousands of arrows piercing through my heart. Seriously, what they have said I heard before and this time round is the second reminder I'm having. I really needa reflect on myself. What am I doing? Am I affecting the sisters around me? I do guess I have and it's really time to change change change. So many thoughts gushing right through my little tiny weeny brain and I'm freaking out soon. With the stuff I needa know for attachment is already huge enough. I'm weighing everything on my shoulders. Oh God, Help me out :(

Skinny love

2011-12-14T00:23:00.001+08:00

I did something deviant but the outcome was good.
I still can't believe I borrow a stranger $20 to buy her movie tickets :/ Who will do it? I bet majority won't do it. I myself, step out of my comfort zone to borrow people money. It's like someone who begin to love others unconditionally without anything in return. But I did learn something from it.
Even with my immediate response of what I did, God still bless me with the amazing outcome. Maybe it's time to evangelize.
Today was quite a well-spent day in the ward, Learnt some many things, and talked to Rachel Lee on the train to work, talked to Jeanette during break time. It suddenly strikes me deeply that I'm such a extrovert. Even there is such a heartfelt feeling that I wanna be alone, God will always put me to a test to unleash my ability to interact with others. I suppose this help me to feel differently and not to feel so left out easily. Being left out is like the worse feeling ever to be begin with. People might not know how solitude are they feeling right in their heart if they don't even empathize. Things that I myself may have neglected before.

2011-12-11T01:19:00.000+08:00

Something just strike my head intensely on Wednesday on Prayer Night. I really don't know what to do right now, what is my relationship with God. Is it just master and servant relationship or something more than that? Can He be the one that cheer me up the most when I'm down? Can He be the first to be told when I'm having problem? What will we be feeling if we didn't talk to God for a day? Where am I standing right now? Away from God or towards God?

Come to think of it, I really don't know, I'm still caught up with those emotional feelings that I can't get rid of which really makes me feel so upset, depressed, emotionally unstable. Why Derrick why? Why can't I just be strong enough to rely on God?

Watched Money Not Enough 2 on Channel 8 can really make me breakdown and cry so badly. Is just like my awesome late Grandmother. Oh gawd, every time I think of it. It's only filled with sadness, regrets. Why didn't I do this, why didn't I do that? But now, why hasn't me be thinking what shall I do now, Right now. The genuine love that I have, I should be showering my tender loving care towards everybody and stop mourning and weeping all night about it. Move on Derrick.

Concurrently, I lost my true self. Sometimes I still feel I don't even need the Brothers and Sisters from Church. I just feel so lonely. In this time of intensive attachment, I doubt I'll survive for long. God be with me.

I'll remember you.

I miss you deeply.

Look at this girl!

2011-12-04T23:06:00.001+08:00

She sings really nice!!! Go view go view, PRETTAYGIRL SINGING. It reduces my anxiety for tomorrow's battle for 3 months, Oh Bring It On. I'm so gonna overcome it! Dear Lord, Be with me.

2011-12-04T01:12:00.001+08:00

Vintage Bag from Haiji Lane for $25

Zara Bag for $50.

Anybody who are interested in these bags can email tenny555281@hotmail.com , can be negotiate.

2011-12-03T22:02:00.001+08:00

Glimpse through my blog entries for the year and it seems like it hasn't be a good one. I keep having emotional post. Woah. Life seems so tough I suppose. Think deeply for quite awhile ever since I said I was spiritually good/high but now it doesn't seems to be that way. All my flaws just keep popping out from nowhere, making me feel so miserable.

Yesterday appreciation day was a great one! Learn quite a lot from the teens, especially what Sonia said through the video. I personally was in the Hero's class which was amazing! Seriously I learn a lot and I didn't regret going to Hero's class alone with Sharon. Kinda amaze me and make me think even deeper like the Mary and Martha relationship, how Mary stood so faithfully to God and also to allow me to have more positive thoughts as well, cause we humans tend to think negatively and if we don't keep inputting more positive thoughts we will definitely drift away from God. There's always up and down and we need those happy memories and thoughts to keep up even stronger & to face our life in a different way like the worldly people.

SIMPLE PLAN IS COMING TO SG ON 15JANUARY! Hope I'm able to go their concert.
Wish I can don't be so emotional when people mention my grandma. Sigh, I just make me recall all those memories I had with her and those elderly that I took care of during my Gerontology posting. Heartbreaking :(

Time to emo the whole night, and really change my attitude when I'm awake. Life will be in a total different level, Thank you God for everything, even the simplest thing that I'm able to be awake every single day I'm really grateful for that.

Alexis 18th Birthday !

2011-12-01T00:08:00.000+08:00

Sigh, I wonder why am I living in this house? Seriously. I feel like moving out asap! Why can't my dad and my sister understand? Why? Why? Why? Always smoke in the toilet like they don't give a damn. Seriously, I can't stand it anymore, this is getting nowhere. If it takes me to leave this freaking place for the smoking I needa tolerate, by all means I will. Freaking pissed to the max. Why can't they empathize the people who are living in the house? Why must they be so inconsiderate? Why can't they just accept the advice the people give them? Why? Why? Why? WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY THINKING! ARGH!)*$()$&(z^(a^%_^%%&)(&%)(%@y@&%&(%&()#&z&#%)&)(%&)(#&%()%7

Kaiji 2

2011-11-29T23:46:00.000+08:00

All thanks to Tingyu for this fabulously nice picture.!

Went to watch Kaiji 2 alone today. Kinda regretted not to go and watch with my cousins on Saturday. Somehow or another I have to make a decision. Maybe that isn't a good one, but I still indeed enjoyed myself at the bibletalk! Learnt something that I myself know what is it yet I always didn't stay away from.

Group picture!

Weakness

2011-11-28T01:42:00.001+08:00

One of my biggest weakness is I couldn't make myself to tell the truth in love to the Brothers. In short, Challenge them. I can't. For me, to express my feelings verbally is really difficult. My family doesn't do that, and thus I can' really do it right now. The action of love is like through action for my family and I do learnt that from young. Maybe I could change, but I really need time. For me to challenge somebody is totally out of my mind, people tend to say do it cause you love them cause you don't wanna see them getting hurt by themselves or even seeing them going to hell. But then, when you gonaa do it, it's really really backbreaking. Expressing my feelings verbally is already a challenge, for me to challenge them is like 100x more difficult man! OH GAWD.

I do feel that people portrait me as a joker or a happy-go-lucky guy, but deep down in me, I definitely do feel a lot. So when I challenge people or even say nice things to people, they might think I'm sarcastic or even joking, maybe the tone i'm using isn't serious but then yeah, I still trying to change. On the other hand, if I'm joking, people will tend to think that I'm being serious. So ya, it's like the opposite way for me. COMPLICATED MUCH.

But definitely I'm feeling encouraged a lot by the cards people gave me, people praying on stage for me, people initiating to spend time with me. I totally appreciate that a lot! THANKS PEOPLE ♥

Even what Mel has told me on Friday, I see tear in her eyes. It really makes me wanna tear too when she shared that She do feel the sadness when she thinks about her grandpa and had the feeling of being doted the much. It's agonizing, I do empathize her a lot and it definitely took a lot of courage for her to tell me that. I really really do acknowledge and treasure it so much. Something that I needa keep within my soul, that there's always a time for people to part/depart. We just needa be strong. Emotions are always there, when it's time to show it, i need to show it.

Don't expect

2011-11-26T19:55:00.001+08:00

Don't expect really makes our life better in many ways. It might seems that we humans will definitely expect, but try to minimize it to the maximum. As long as we have little expectation, we will not be disappointed.. For instance, like somebody says she/he wanna give me a card or something yet end up didn't give me in the end. Even though it's just a card, it can cause me to be disappointed. This really makes me to really try not to expect. At least it can save us from all those heartbreak and all the disappointment we might have. I know we all we remember what people says and it's difficult to get rid of our mind but really see it as a bonus. Even though the person might not give you what he/she has said just remember that all we are doing we are pleasing God and not humans. We just needa keep giving and giving, withdrawing strength on the almighty God and not depending on our strength cause it won't go far and we will get tired of it someday.
Sometimes I wish I could socialize lesser so that I can spend more time with some people I wanna know more about. But I guess it's God's plan for me to prosper with that. And I'm gonna make use of it (:

2011-11-24T01:16:00.000+08:00

Felt so spiritually high right now, I guess this bible talk really makes the Brothers ponder a lot. We really needa stst more often and really needa expose ourselves more frequent too! If we keep waiting for Friday, or even keep sinning every single day then what is the point of having the brothers, what is the point of becoming a Christian. It's like no different like the pagan outside of the world.
No matter how much downfall I might faced with or met with, God will still feel the most.

Thanks a lot for today, Angelo. Awesome sharing by him. Learnt so much and things that I rarely thought about, but in some ways it's true! Hope I'll grow more & more.

Spiritually High

Time to let it go

2011-11-21T00:37:00.002+08:00

Time to let it go. This song just reminds me everything I had been through and it's time to let it go, make me wanna breakdown and tear so badly again. But no no, this time is gonna control it and stay strong. Maybe one day I will cry but not now.

Dated Christabella.
Really learn a lot from her! She really amaze me like WOW. Didn't expect her to be so talkative in a good way and be so open.
When we are feeling sad/happy we only experienced 1% of it and God experienced 99% of it. And it's so true. Everyday there'll be people sinning, cursing God and doing things to compromise the Bible and yet we only think about how we feel only. WE NEEDA SPARE A THOUGHT FOR GOD AS WELL! And so what if we are feeling happy cause we will be sad soon, and so what if we are feeling sad, we will be happy once again! It's like a cycle! So let's really be happy and really live for God. Things I learnt from Christa, things I will never thought of. Really. She makes me think so deeply, what I dislike, what I like, what I fear of, what is my strength, weakness and etc.
I felt so encouraged and it's time to really let it go and put my faith into test.
Gonna visit my aunt soon. I guess she'll be feeling so lonely and leftout :( things I really needa do to encourage her and to help her.
God give me the strength to do so.

Gerontology with my friends! Gonna missed them so badly.! Awesome Clinical Instructor I have. ♥

Deep Thoughts

2011-11-18T23:36:00.002+08:00

Suddenly I think I'm not vulnerable enough. Always been so different with church friends, outside friends & cousins. Sigh, I knew it what has been going on for so long and I'm still trying to change :( But it's not always the way I wanted it to be. It just doesn't. It's just so difficult. Maybe it's a test from God. Maybe I need to change the way I think.

I completely lose myself today when my beloved patient just shook my hands. The feeling is like my grandma just shook my hands for the last time as I need to say goodbye. It just pierced through my heart, feeling so touched and soften by it. Unbelievable just a simple handshake it can makes me go gaga. Yup indeed, I'm an emotional guy. A simple handshake a simple hug a simple greeting like how are you is able to break me down deep inside of me. It really do.
I have been dwelling in it and pretending to be strong for quite some time, maybe it's time for me to break down and cry my heart out?

My attitude & feelings towards elderly changed instantly when my grandma passed. Immediate rush of emotion I had. Feeling so much for them! And I really wanna do my very best to help them to feel better or even it takes for me to get a scolding from somebody. I really do. I just don't wanna anything to happen to them. I just don't want it to.
I learn to empathize geriatric patients in a whole new level now. Something not everybody could do it, but I can finally say I can.
I do feel very amazed by the soft heart I have, able to feel for others so deeply and able to do things in a sweet way. Thank God for giving such a amazing heart to feel and to accept what others had to say about me. The bibletalk I had just now is about the heart, laziness, idleness and discipline and that really makes me ponder so deeply and really discovered that I'm a person who has lots of friends yet always feeling so lonely. That's the true me and it sucks ttm. I really needa be open to people and really change my way of thinking. God help me, Oh Lord.

I pray for a pure heart,

God guard my heart.

Glad you came

2011-11-14T23:28:00.000+08:00

Out of a sudden, a patient makes my day go better when I'm down.
Somehow he resemble my grandmother, it just makes me missed her even more and makes me wonder what have I been doing for the nineteen years of my life. Seriously, what have I been doing?
Doing nothing, unlike other people, being so classy and mature. Work all day long and I'm busy slacking away. Shall stop my nonsense right now.
This attachment is getting nowhere. I really hope these four days during attachment will be a fruitful memories for me. Just end asap, I feel so spiritually drained. How am I gonna survive my three month of attachment? :/ This is nuts. I will be falling away so badly :( Who is going to save me by then?

Things that I know

2011-11-13T22:25:00.000+08:00

In my nineteen years of life, I realized so many things I didn't know.
My family is so connected with the relatives. Things that I thought I know but I don't. They still contact those far far away relatives, like my grandma's sisters! My grandma has 15 siblings which literally surprised me. 5 of them are just step brothers and sisters, so she has 9 siblings. It just surprised me in the wake when I sees so many of my grandma's sisters and brothers. so amazing! Things that I needa learn from them- Being so connected even though they lived in Malaysia. And now I know my family is so hugeeeeee! My great grandpa has 4 wives which really makes me wonder how many cousins do I really have? Hundred plus? I guess it's unimaginable.
Appreciated them so much. I guess this is how I learnt to be so connected with human beings. Thank God for showing me that!
Right now, I'm still in dilemma. Still thinking thinking and thinking about my life, goals and everything.

That one that got away

Febrile

2011-11-09T22:44:00.000+08:00

Feeling so sick :( OH GAWD. God be with me! Lay your healing hands onto me. I really needa be alright.

Sometimes it's not I want to be strong or act strong. It's like it really takes a lot from me to share with others how I felt and what is going on recently. But when others just asked me some stupid questions. It just really discouraged me instantly. I'm still doing quite fine. So no worries people, I will be fine soon.

Goodbye Grandma

2011-11-08T23:55:00.002+08:00

Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma Goodbye Grandma

Today is the day where we all said goodbye to our beloved Grandma. It was the most saddening thing ever happened in my family whereby everybody moaned, wept and really cried out from their bottom of the heart.
This is the second time I seen my dad cried. The first time was the moment I asked my dad whether can I be a Christian, apologizing for the wrong things I done to him before and whether will he wanna join Christianity or even more to church with me.
Everybody just broke down into tears when we saw our grandma is going into the cremation area. It's like I've been pierced by many many arrows and stabbed by many many swords. I really prayed that all of the family members , the relatives and my family who is related to my grandma to be strong and that God will comfort them and may their sorrows be taken away. Amen.

Grandma, I love you.

Psalms 118:17 "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done."

New Toms

2011-11-07T02:16:00.000+08:00

Rip Grandma

2011-11-07T02:07:00.000+08:00

This year NewYear should be the only time I taken a picture with my grandmother with all my relatives. Totally missed the chance to take a picture with you grandmother. I really missed you.
Went to church on Friday and Sunday. Amazingly I had the heart to go to church. I guess God is really awesome. He helped me so much! Something I had learnt to overcome is to be vulnerable.
Felt so hard to type out or even tell somebody what happen to me, yet I still have the courage and the ability to do so. I really take me a lot of courage and openness in order for me to do it. Even though people might ask some dumbest question ever like why I didn't cry? Why I didn't grief? Must I really grief in front of you to proof to you that I had grief? At some point of time this just strike me deeply but I glad that I'm able to really feel in their shoes maybe they want to assure that I'm vulnerable and not denying my feelings and emotions.
My grandmother is like my another mother to me. She doted me so much ever since I was born till now. I can't forget what she has done for me. Brought me to church while I was young and it really makes me wanna become a Christian so badly after that. I was the only one followed her all along. :( Never failed to remember my Birthday which already means a lot to me. Just hated myself for not being a good enough grandson. I could give more, but I just wonder why I didn't :(
Knew so much things about my grandmother after she passed away. Why I didn't know? She survived for 7 years due to Carcinoma of the lungs which was a Miracle. A miracle that God has given my grandmother. I appreciate what God has given my grandmother & me. Without her, I wouldn't be expose to Christianity. I won't know what is love is all about.
I do appreciate the brothers and sisters that came to the wake. It really do encourage me a lot. Thank you pamela, nichola, rachel, esther, puayyen, arthur, manfred, jadason & eugene. Love you guys so badly <3

There's a time to grief.

Conceal

2011-11-03T21:15:00.003+08:00

Sigh. I'm appeared to be so happy yet deep down I'm breaking apart completely. Who can understand how I'm feeling? :(

Today got condemn and challenged deeply by DN. I already have a bullet proof vest with me yet I'm still feeling so in pain.! Trying to remove the bullet which is left on my vest which really takes a lot of courage from me. srsly. But it doesn't stab me deep enough though. I'm still feeling unaffected by it. More of feeling hurt because of my grandma. I'm totally numb, indescribable feeling I'm having. No words can represent it.

Conceal

2011-11-03T21:15:00.000+08:00

Sigh. I'm appeared to be so happy yet deep down I'm breaking apart completely. Who can understand how I'm feeling? :(

Footloose

2011-11-01T23:27:00.000+08:00

Awesome movie with sharon & rachel, totally enjoyed ourselves. It has been a long time since I watched such a humorous and touching movie! Love it so much. Actor and actress is sooooo compatible!!!
Sigh, if only reality there is such love and matching! It will be lovely~ Make me wanna be in a relationship so badly only! ARGH. If only, the time is now. But yeah, it's a no for now though.

Currently having attachment and everything seems so blurry for me, but it's already Day 7 for me and I guess I'm adapting quite well already. Felt lika Year1 like what the DN said on the first day. So incompetent, trying so badly to change and be function as a staff nurse. I guess it needs time. God help me, give me the strength!

captivating songs from Footloose the movie. LISTEN PEOPLE LISTEN~ Awesome songs :)

Holding out for a Hero

Prayed for my grandma to be alright.

Heartrending

2011-10-30T00:16:00.000+08:00

Today I felt had the worst feeling of my life again. Disheartening just sets into my heart and I felt I'm useless once again. Every single comment my relatives or even some stranger who commented on me I would feel it so much. Even a simple sentence like "Missy ah, you don't know how to help or you don't know what to do?"
Seriously, it just makes me feel so dumb and why am I in nursing? Why srsly Derrick why? I feel so freaking useless. Why can't I do a good job? Totally don't know what am I doing.
Seen my grandma today and it just soooooo heartbreaking to see her in this condition. I see my dad's expression, my cousins, my aunts and my uncles' ones, I'll feel even more. What can I do to help my grandma?
There's sooo much I can do yet I'm doing the least. Seriously screw me.
My grandma currently can't even sit herself up not even eating much and she's super scrawny . Sigh.What a failure Grandson I am. I can't even fork out time for her, what is this :(
I gonna visit her after my work after 3pm. Seriously, I needa do something. I hated myself so much. I can't even take care of my grandma, how am I gonna take care of the patients I have in the ward? Maybe that's why I'm such a failure. Maybe this is God's test for me, to mold me to become a better nurse and a mature one. I really hope I will change. Through pain, agony and suffering I'll be even stronger.

Stop standing there.

4th Date

2011-10-25T20:05:00.000+08:00

HAHA this picture is just so not nice. * I mean me*
super unglam, i guess all the pictures wasn't that glamorous but after all it isn't about the glamorous but it's about the encouragement and the fun you brought into the date. I was a super AWESOME ONE! Definitely needa thank JENJEN, JADA & RUIXIAN for it! :) without them, the date wont be so successful! It's my first time planning it, quite blurr but at least it went well! :D:D:D

This pictures should be the more FUNNIEST OF ALL and the ones that we really do enjoyed ourselves. Thanks Steffi for coming too :) Amazing date I had :) learnt so many new stuff! :D:D:D
Time to plan another date to encourage the young ones too! ^^
DECEMBER HERE I COME!!!

Apple Cider Vinegar

2011-10-23T00:16:00.000+08:00

Photos with my fellow ED & OT friends. What a nightmare for me to handle for ED. Glad it's over and I'll never go back to ED again.

Things that I'll ought to do in the future : Have more confidence in everything I'm doing.

Found this recipe on the net, hopefully it'll be a success :) Gonna hunt down APPLE CIDER VINEGAR! :D
It has multiple benefits : able to cure bad breath, acne, diabetes, dandruff, lose weight diarrhea and many more.
Trying it out soon! WAIT FOR MY GOOD NEWS PEOPLE :)

All or Nothing

2011-10-22T10:56:00.000+08:00

Final day in OT. FEELING SO RELIEF! Oh God, finally it's over. After this long long week. Totally a waste of time of me standing up for 8hours for every single day with only observing the whole time. Horrendous. Something I felt so bold after a long time, talking to Lynette and the things I wanna know yet I don't have the courage to ask yet today I did it. Felt so better pouring out what I wanna say. At least it ease myself and what I can do to help her at the same time :)
HOPEFULLY THINGS WILL GET BETTERRR ^^
You never know how difficult for me to do that. I really struggle a lot to do so. Felt so fearful of what the outcome will be like but Glad I still manage to have the courage to ask her. This is just the beginning.
Today's lesson was about LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE & GODLY RELATIONSHIP!
It's just so overwhelming. Makes me wonder even more than usual. But I guess it's still complicated as usual.

Fight for this love.

FINAL DAY IN ED

2011-10-15T23:59:00.001+08:00

AWESOME AWESOME DAY AT ED :) Everything just goes so smoothly. Missed the place even though it might bring back some bad memories and mistakes I had done but it's still a great experience and lovable time at ED. Unforgettable.
Wish everything will change. Looking forward to OT posting, may everything go great :)

Second last day of my OT

2011-10-13T23:00:00.000+08:00

LOVE THIS PICTUREEEEEE ♥

Just few hours after changing shift, my self-esteem was deeply destroyed by a SSN. Even though what he said was right and I do agreed, it still just hurt me so deep until I have nothing to say. Seriously speechless. I just had lost all my confidence and everything and really don't know what am I doing. It just sucks.
Freaking h8 the feeling so badly.
And later on my watch dropped into my Horfun, my coin dropped into the sink. Lika bad omen only.
Just ruin my mood so badly. Glad I went to P3 to help out and the people there just really change the way I feel. Feel much better and got back my confidence after awhile.
Especially when I was about to leave and the agency nurse wanna speak to me. It touched me and encouraged me. Things that not everybody will say after knowing me for one day only. It just feel so great that God has sent somebody to cheer me up, to boost my self-esteem to a higher level. Just LOV'IN it!
He knew that what I did was wrong and said He has done that before too. And I'm a helpful, proactive and have the heart to learn. and He encourage me to have more confidence in everything I do. And lastly he ask me to seek people who are nice and teachable and not those strict and demanding. It just helps me a lot with that. I felt I learnt a lot from the mistakes I done. It's just another way of learning and I had it the hard way but who cares. God is with me :)

Day 2 of ED

2011-10-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

Happy 18th Belated Birthday to VENESSAAAAAA SISTER ! :D

Sigh, Day 2 of emergency department just really shown me that I'm totally not ready to become a nurse. Seriously, it seems like it's over man. This is freaking depressing, felt so much for these two days. I really hope things will go well for me and Seha. I think she also felt a lot. These is killing me!!! Done so manyy mistakes and felt lika statue all the time, WHAT IS THIS!!! ARGH.
Hopefully the next three days will be better, I really hope so!

Encouraged

2011-10-05T23:44:00.000+08:00

Suddenly I felt quite confident in doing anything, and I really very thankful to Erica & especially God who grant the date so successfully.
Awesome. Things are just getting from bad to BETTER! Leading my life to the fullest for God.
Attachment is starting soon on Monday and I'm kinda scare of the things are about to face but I gonna really put everything on God, rely on Him and things will be better for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Time to really make my days the fullest before my attachment starts.

Kite Flying

2011-10-02T00:53:00.000+08:00

Final meetup with my clique 38Mafias before our attachment starts. Not bad of a outing :) Get to know each other even better through the time ^^ They are just so humorous like usual, awesome people to be with.

Memorable reverse date I had with Erica yesterday!. I really learnt a lot from her, her confidence level is real high. It's time to boost my confidence level and really be confident in my conviction so that I'm about to influence others and be firm with what I am saying.

It's better for me to challenge people than to see them fall away. BE BOLD, so what if I'm paiseh so what if I didn't know them well enough. But we're brothers & sisters we are accountable for each other if I'm gonna watch you fall away is like me causing you to fall away. I'm so gonna change the way I think. Felt so inspired by Erica, struggles will always be there but we needa stop it before anything happens. Even if there's a slightest struggle I'm experiencing, it's good to tell it to bro/sis so that people can be accountable to it. She's such a nice sister! This reverse date was like a BOOMz. The sisters made pizza, grape soda ,bought us snacks, dessert [ ice-cream + toppings (cereals+ gummy bears)] , fruits cut by karenjiejie. It's just so WONDERFUL! Never thought of a date like that. Feel so encouraged the people around me, Erica, Jasmine &Martin, Eugene &Alexis, Ginkaikorkor & Karenjiejie.

Jeremiah 17:5-8

Someday

2011-09-28T17:02:00.000+08:00

Have little faith is better than not having any.

Sometimes

2011-09-15T02:15:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I just wish everything will just end now. But what if I go to hell? Things that make me wanna live even better.

Sometimes I just wanna find somebody to be with to kill my loneliness but only God can fill up the void within me just that I can't see him. This alone can just destroy me instantly if I keep thinking that way. I needa feel it feel it feel it. One by one, slowly solitude just gonna eat me up alive :(

Sometimes I just feel like watching lion king over and over again so I can cry my heart out. Seriously I wish i can do it, even now.

Sometimes I wish there is someone who will initiate to ask me out to spend time or anything else instead of me always initiating. This is freaking wearing me physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. I can't take it any longer.

Sometimes I wish if there's anyone out there cared for me.

Sometimes I wish I'm not myself, so I won't even needa think all these and get myself so troubled for every single day.

Sometimes I wish I'm more closer to the brothers in church, but it doesn't seems so easy after all. Only for a time being we could be together/talking and then it will just all goes back to beginning when everybody start sticking to their clique. Asking me out is not an option I guess. I'm just part of the minority.
Sometimes I wish I can be more open to the brothers in order to get closer to them.
Sometimes I wish I have lesser friends so I really can spend time with the people I want to.

Am I more than just an option?

I guess not.

I felt as though I'm just an option after all.

HOPE

2011-09-10T03:38:00.000+08:00

Blogging at 0327am is ridiculously nuts, but yeah I'm here blogging.

Today was one of my huge struggle praying in front of the teens but I glad I still have the boldness to do it.

It made me feel so relief that everything I wanna do is done. I felt so relax after praying, just felt I didn't really prayed so hard until Friday.

Awesome. May God continue to watch over my paternal grandmother, that is all I asked for now.

God have mercy on my grandmother.

Thank you so much!

Heartbreaking

2011-09-07T14:46:00.000+08:00

It strikes me once more to be one of my heartbreaking moments in my entire life ever since my maternal grandpa has passed away. This is freaking unbearable for me to handle, seriously it is.

I felt so much recently, especially on Monday when my Dad passed me what my paternal grandmother has given me. It just shocked me. She gave me more than all the cousins' she given. It just really shown me how much she dote me. I feel really guilty and didn't felt I have given enough love to her. She is just so amazing, always remembering my Birthday ever since I was born. Even though it's my Birthday and I didn't visit her, she'll still remember it and pass me a red packet when she sees me. It simply touches my heart so deeply that my grandmother is so lovin' .

And now things ain't going well for her, and I really hope she'll feel better. I'm still trying my best to be a filial grandson and really show my gratitude and my love for my grandmother.

Hopefully there's enough time left.

Hennes & Mauritz

2011-09-05T20:47:00.000+08:00

Hennes & Mauritz is finally in SINGAGPORE

I still can't believe that I went to H&M to queue there alone for one and a half hour! Came to think of it, I'm like a retarded kiasu Singaporean standing down there for so long and ended up getting free brolly and a magazine. No 20$ gift voucher :(

That's kinda sad but I'm still able to be in the shop within few minutes after it opened. Not bad! The shop is just so grand & cheap!

DEAD CHEAP SERIOUSLY! must go there and get some stuff real soon! Can't imagine everybody wearing the same clothing in Singapore. Common ttm.

It has been quite awhile since I worked, and this time round I made the wrong decision to work in the IT Fair, unable to go to church on Friday & Sunday. It's just the greed of money. Damn. It just eats into my brain cells so easily. @!()$%(&! &%&+^

I'm so gonna change. It's either getting better/worsen, May God be with me at all times.

Gonna have my beauty sleep soon.

TOMORROW I'M GONNA SWIM SWIM SWIM :D

DATE

2011-08-29T17:14:00.002+08:00

Date with Arielle.
It was my second date and it was fascinating!At first it was like a daring decision that I decided to date her. But I glad she said Yes. Many a times I would think that why should I need to go for a date. I do felt the awkwardness at times, but after every date I had. I will feel differently. It just somehow made me realized lots of stuff about the somebody I'm with. Like for instance Arielle. I'm really surprise about what she told me at the same time I'm able to learn from it and to lead a better Christianity life. I really hope I won't crumble down so easily.

Time to really get myself filled with food.

Exams are over, Here comes Holidays

2011-08-27T05:16:00.000+08:00

Great hangout with my lovely group of classmates that I always hangout with on Thursday! Missed them so much :( If only time could just stop right now right here.

Felt so much after today's lesson. Even right now, I'm still thinking ways to change my character and attitude to be a much spiritual person. Seriously I do. I wish I could rely on some friends in Church. But I felt I have no friends I can rely on. Hmm, maybe sisters there is? But they have their own problems and friends/sisters to manage. As for the Brothers? I guess none. Maybe it's time to get close with some of them and with God, nothing is impossible. C'mon Derrick! BE OPTIMISTIC! ^^

Just wanna say Sorry to the girl who asked me on Thursday. I truly sorry about dipping it out last minute. I really do, even though I might appear I don't care about it. But in my heart, I felt so guilty. I wonder why I don't have the courage to go. Seriously, since when did I become so timid. I can do many things without considerable but this, it just stumble me deeply. I just felt so useless in facing all this problems. It's just not me. I only could say sorry and just sorry.

It's like already 5am, yet I'm still blogging. Sigh. Out of a sudden, I just feel like breaking down and weep out all my sorrow. I sincerely feel so. The fear is just creeping me out. I don't wanna lose you but times has changed. God, I really pray that my Grandmother will be alright or in a way she won't be suffering so much. Every time, I looked at her/visit her, my heart just bleed deeply. I just feel so much and things ain't getting any better. Uncontrollable emotional arousing in my heart.
I don't think I can take it any longer. I gonna confide with someone real soon. Hate to face all these situation and problems alone. I can't stand it. My heart is weak, spirit is just not strong enough to handle. I don't wish to fall. Falling is not what I expected, however I guess I gonna face it like a Man.

Waiting outside the lines

1 down 4 more to go!

2011-08-18T16:24:00.000+08:00

Greyson Chance – Waiting Outside The Lines Lyrics

You’ll never enjoy your life,
living inside the box
You’re so afraid of taking chances,
how you gonna reach the top?

Rules and regulations,
force you to play it safe
Get rid of all the hesitation,
it’s time for you to seize the day

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the hotnewsonglyrics.com time is now

I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting,
I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

Try to have no regrets
even if it’s just tonight
How you gonna walk ahead
if you keep living behind

Stuck in my same position,
you deserve so much more
There’s a whole world around us,
just waiting to be explored

Instead of just sitting around
and looking down on tomorrow
You gotta let your feet off the ground,
the time is now, just let it go

The world will force you to smile
I’m here to help you notice the rainbow
Cause I know,
What’s in you is out there

http://www.hotnewsonglyrics.com/greyson-chance-waiting-outside-the-lines-lyrics.html

I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting,
I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

I’m trying to be patient (I’m trying to be patient)
the first step is the hardest (the hardest)
I know you can make it,
go ahead and take it

I’m Waiting, waiting, just waiting I’m waiting
I’m waiting, waiting, just waiting
I’m waiting, waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines
Waiting outside the lines

You’ll never enjoy your life
Living inside the box
You’re so afraid of taking chances,
How you gonna reach the top?

2011-08-14T21:51:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wish things were much easier to be resolved. Is YPL angry me? I seriously don't know. Hopefully she isn't. I don't wanna create anymore problems and conflicts. It just so tiring to solve it again and again and again. Maybe God is trying to test me but I'm sure things will be resolved. God help me Lord. I know I have done many stupid and has been obstinate in the past, but I'm changing. I know what is my weak point and am gonna change it. Even if it takes me to apologize to every single person I know, I would do it too.
This Thursday is my examination for AN3. I REALLY HOPE IT'LL BE AN EASY PAPER! I'm so gonna mug till the end of the papers, it's my final lap lap lap! JY!

What I typed is strictly what I felt,

it has no heartfelt feeling for anyone.

Please don't take it to heart.

It's just what I felt.

2011-08-13T13:53:00.000+08:00

I'm kinda surprised I scored seven and a half upon ten for my journal critique! WEE. Amazingly. First time ever I'm appease with my result. Even though it's just a ten percent to my overall result but I'm satisfied with it. :)

With much deep thoughts, I really wonder will anyone ask me how am I without me initiating it first? Seriously I doubt there will be much questions posted to me. None if I couldn't ever recall. Most of the time it's me me and me initiating. I'm just getting tired of asking. Sometimes I asked people how are you just because I want them to ask me! BUT I THINK NO ONE GETS THE HINT! seriously. No one bother i guess. It just sucks to be like me.
I just because of all these nonsense and troubles, I felt so angtsy yesterday. Just because of what Debra did, it just changed my attitude 360 degree. Just one whack from her, I could seriously just be as cranky as ever. I seriously wonder why must she do that, as though it's very funny. And it's totally not funny at all. I'm freaking pissed off. What is this? And without apologizing to me. It's like she treat me for-granted. I'm like her punching bag to be describe as.
Forget it seriously. And I really can't understand why others can't compromise me for awhile/a moment? I'm always the one compromising and can't people just agree with what I said for once? Pretty please? For once? *speechless* Everybody is just so self-centered to begin with. Totally. I guess not everybody is as empathizing as me. Even though I'm not always so empathizing. But I'm already trying my best to empathizing others.

Sometimes I just felt it's sooooo much better to be a loner. Don't have to compromising others. Don't need to be a people-pleaser. It's so much better! Life will be better alone. *Ranting over*

Felt so much better typing all these hard felt feeling out on my blog.

Oh yeah, Time to mug and party!

Angsty

2011-08-13T13:15:00.000+08:00

Group 25 with Mr Chan.

As usual SBL time. Sister, Corina and Lynette.

HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY ARETHA!

Once and for all

2011-08-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

Subgroup 3 as usual one of my group mates isn't here. ♥

It has come! TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF ME BEING IN POLYTECHNIC! Oh man, I'm already started missing everybody in school even since I stepped out of it. It will definitely miss those times with my lecture mates/classmates and all those who I know from Poly ♥ . It's a marvelous experiences for me! Seriously it does. Somehow or rather it impacted me a lot and changed my personality and character so much. From such a ignorant, vulgar and what's not me becoming a guy filled with liveliness. HAHA! I guess so.
Even though there are many sparks in between our friendship but it still helps us to get closer within ourselves and really able to know the person in a high level! AWESOME.

Sometimes life isn't smooth-sailing like what God has said in the bible, we will be going through things that we're able to withstand. I really hope I'm able to out-power whatever is gonna stand in my way.

Exams, holidays, attachment, 2 week break and time for the real battle to begin ( 3MONTHS OF PRCP ATTACHMENT). I really hope things will go well for me. NO MORE FAILURE DERRICK! JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!

I want you to fight for me.

Next To You

2011-08-07T23:56:00.000+08:00

I'm so blissful to have such a great groupmate (Fatin) who always able to tolerate my nonsense and sarcasm!♥♥♥♥♥ Sometimes I wished I could treat her better. Sigh. 5 more days to school end. TIME PLEASE SLOWER DOWN!!! I wanna spend more time with my classmates!

Do small things with great love.

MY LOVELY GROUPMATES♥♥♥

2011-08-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

It has been almost 3 years for us to be in a group for together, such a short and memorable days we had. And next week it's the last week for us to gather as a subgroup already, I really hope time would stop. It just extraordinary to have wanie, fatin and nandar as my groupmates. Even though we might quarrel with each other all day long but it's still something memorable for me. Amazingly it helps us to deepen and builds our friendship to a higher level.♥♥♥ them so much, hope they won't forget me when all these is about to end.

This is the only picture we ever took ever since semester one. We needa take another photo before our school ends. WE NEED TO!!!!!

Presentation had ended. And it's now left with the final obstacle which i need to face, MY EXAMINATIONS. God give me the strength and lead me through all these obstacle, I will stay strong as long I have you who give me STRENGTH.

My new Toms bag and shoe

2011-07-31T22:21:00.000+08:00

Amazingly I painted my shoes and the colors came out fantastically nice!!! ♥ And my awesome mom sewed the Tom tag onto my baggu bag ♥
Today sermon was like usual, always inspire me in some ways. I really needa stop the things that is standing in between my way to God. I needa prioritize my things in life. Definitely God will always be my number one. I really learn to love everybody for who they are and not keep criticizing people all day long. It isn't nice at all and at least I'm still trying to improve on it. Had my partner to date at the end of Aug. Lovely! Even though I experienced rejection, it's just something I needa learn from it. Not everything I want I will get it. God always have the best plan for me. I just needa get this in my mind.

I needa spend more time with my Grandma. Every time I see her with the nasal prongs, my heart just bleed. I just can't imagine how difficult is for her right now, inconsistent dieting and feeling so breathless at times. I just hope I could really heal her. She can't even go to church cause of her breathlessness. Sigh. I really pray that God will just be with my grandma at all times and really bless her.

Projects still rushing,

really hope by tomorrow things will be completed.

God be with me.

2011-07-27T21:39:00.002+08:00

Sometimes life is just so unfair for some people. I just really pity my groupmate to have such a control freak Boyf, sometimes I wish I could help her. But I just can't do any. Practically helpless. Can you imagine yourself not having any opposite sex telephone number throughout the years? Can't hangout with friends like people usually do? SERIOUSLY! It's just tormenting and heartbreaking! At times, I don't know what to say. But I still admire her tolerances level. Srsly I do. Her current Boyf is not as bad as her previous one, however it's already BAD ENOUGH TO CAUSE HER AGONY AND PAIN. She's just such a nice girl. She don't even deserve such treatment. Really hope her boyf will soon realized her strength and not being so self-centered and only cares about himself. I really #pray that things will just go well for her seriously. Just hope she will get her freedom soon. *BREAKUP* is not one of the best solution, but I really hope she will have the courage to just get rid of her Boyf.
At least I've realized something, in a relationship things will always be much difficult than people who are single. Now I just don't wish to get into R/S. Just hate to deal with all this problems. So Problematic and annoying. Not like it's so easy to deal with.
Glad, GOD helped me with that :)

Today was quite a productive day for me. Done lots of research on my Management & final year project. Hopefully it will help me & my groupmates to understand more~

Time to get some rest.

IT'S SLUMBERPARTY!

2011-07-24T21:20:00.001+08:00

Lateforchurch again! H8 to be late but still I'm late though.
Didn't talk to the poly teens for quite some time, I feel so weird suddenly I wonder why also! TIME TO GET CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER CLOSER!
Davidwang suddenly ask me to go for a date randomly. I was like shocked. hmmm what is the ratio for going out on a date means a good one? I'm still thinking who to date again. It's like the toughest decision to make!!! ARGHHHHH... who shall it be this time round?

NorthEastTeens

2011-07-23T22:44:00.000+08:00

Finally the picturessssssss are up! The Northeastteens and the planking pictures!! AM I AMAZING OR WHAT? Wake up early in the morning, go to the railway track and plank! TOTALLY UNIMAGINABLE. Can't believe I did it & I do enjoyed myself. What a amazing time with the teens! They are just so adorable! :D
Anyway, TWO OF MY PRESENTATION ARE DOWN AND TWO MORE TO GO. C'MON DERRICK! YOU CAN DO IT, GOD IS WITH ME!!!☺☺☺

Love is greater than anything on Earth.

Skyscraper

2011-07-17T21:29:00.000+08:00

Woah, today I woke up like 0730 and later went for North-East bbt and it was soooooooo early!!! Can't believe I'm able to wake up so early despite me sleeping as little as 6hrs. Breathtaking. Just almost made me feel like sleeping in every parts of the trip. But it was definitely awesome to hangout with the teenssss and the teen workers :) BRILLIANT! And yesterday I went for the North bbt. It was another great day for me to learn how to cook. Something different and inspirational for me to gain from during the bbt.
Today is the 3rd last day before Sonia is leaving Sg. I really hope everything go well for her and may God be with her at all times.
Hangout with Aretha and Sarah was kinda fun! It's another day out with the teens again. LOVELY PEOPLE ! :D Felt much younger! LOL. But it's still great to be with them! ^^

May everything go smoothly for my presentation

on Wed and Thu.

Nothing has been done yet,

but tomorrow will worry for itself.

I know everything can be doable.

TY GOD.

2011-07-14T22:58:00.001+08:00

Me being too empathizing is really tearing me apart at times. I do wonder why am I keep putting others first? And when I thought of others, I will tend to think. Will other people put me first? Will they? I doubt so. But what can I do? It's God's gift for me to be such a empathizing guy which lead me to become a *nice* guy I suppose.
Today really it's a such a fuming day for me and it really makes me control my anger and make me really humble in doing stuff. I'm not like a hot-headed guy will flare out at others when they are not flexible, when they are not appeasing me. I guess I did change in some ways. I really do calm down and really think for them. If that's what they want, then let it be. Do it according to their plan. I have no right to object since they are the planner, since they are the ones who initiate it. But I hope if people are really unhappy with me, just say right in front of me & I'll change immediately. Rather than people giving me sarcastic comment and stuff. It seriously sucks ttm. What if I do it to you. Seriously, did anybody think of that before when they start being so sarcastic? I don't think so. Anyway, STOP RANTING DERRICK. Time to be more optimistic. At least this outing is for the indo teens, at least they are happy. That's all what I ask for.

Things still turn out good.

Thank God for everything.

First time in my life, I skipped school.

2011-07-13T12:42:00.001+08:00

I didn't know I looked like an Ahbeng until now. Seriously, this picture is just so not me. TOTALLY NONO! whatisthis. Anyway I still remember this day when I'm the OGL with Seri. Awesome-ness! HAD LOTS OF FUN FUN FUN!!! :D Just so incredibly awesome.
Today marked the day I skipped school in my entire life. Kinda different uh, something that I won't do but yet I still did it. Not something I proud of doing but it just makes me feel better.
Anyway it's me and moemoe against all odds again. Time to do my tutorial homework now. BYE.

I gonna be who I am

2011-07-11T23:15:00.000+08:00

I passed my practical skills test! THANK GOD I PASSED :D
HEHE. Never thought I could pass, but yeah I did it :)
Hmmm, Sometimes I wonder why will someone not talk to me?
But I guess there'll always be a reason for them not to talk to me or just suddenly change their attitude towards me. I tried so hard to appease them but then nothing seems to be changing. *SIGH* What else can I do? Forget it I guess. I can't appease every single person, if you don't wanna talk to me like the way before. Then it shall be it. I can't do anything much. I may show the same attitude as well, cause things will never be the same again :/

DAMN. Just hate it so much when people

don't talk to me out of the blue,

and yet not telling me the reason.

Seriously, what is this.

Is that called true friend?

I doubt so.

May God handle everything.

CAUCASIAN ♥

2011-07-09T01:00:00.000+08:00

Great hangout with Hannah, Maddy & the rest of the teens♥ It's just so great to make new friends from other countries. It was just legit. Legit is something I learnt from Hannah & Maddy and it's something common for Caucasian to say it's cool and great. And I LOVE CAUCASIAN SO MUCH ♥ I DON'T WHY TOO, BUT I JUST LOVE THE WAY THEY ARE. SIMPLY AWESOME.
I has been so moody recently, can't even know what am I doing. Being such an ass to ahya my classmate. Just felt so guilty that I shouldn't raise my voice at her, just because I'm cranky. Sigh it's like the few times I did that to her already. Argh. @(*&$()%&@% ^
I really needa change my attitude!!! OBLIVIATE PLEASE
I'm so gonna watch HARRY POTTER! argh. Suddenly I have the urge to watch it alone. WHY :( Sounded so lonely yet I wanna do it.
Pathetic shit.

'Don't copy the behavior and customs of the world,

but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.'

Romans 12:2

Teens

2011-07-07T00:41:00.000+08:00

Went to send Sarah Desouza and Erica off. It was really a great experience to have Sarah with us in Singapore. She really boost my conviction to the next level. Learn quite a lot from her that we all need to be challenge, encourage & able to accept what others have to say about us. It's really time to have a humble pie and change for God. That's what we needa do. Thankyousomuch for the devo Sarah ♥ appreciated it much. ^^
Today Lab Theory Test is over and it wasn't that tough after all. Thank God for that and I'm kinda relieve. One down, and another one to go. SKILLS TEST ON MONDAY! OH NO.
C'mon inhibit the negativity in me. I needa unleash my optimism! I CAN DO IT. It'll be easy! Nothing is incapable for me, for God is there for me. Even my attachment schedule is out. This is really booms. I needa really start paying attention and be more attentive in class. Lesser of kartrider please. Self-control self-control self-control!
Anyway things has been going well for me. *ELATED ELATED ELATED*

Goodnight all.

Time to say goodbye.

2011-07-05T19:39:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah, finally things are resolved between me and my bff P.
With much gratitude, we are the same. I did say what I want to say and I didn't regretted it. Anyway it's time for my to start mugging right not for my theory test for tomorrow. I'm totally not prepared with anything. Not a single page of the book I touched. This is ridiculous. God help me to concentrate and hopefully I'll really start studying with my heart and soul.

It's well

2011-07-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

SBL for the day

2011-06-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

Me in my uniform! AWESOME LOOKING RIGHT? (:
Recently I felt like I'm a lost sheep. Literally lost. This feeling is just not right. Where is the normal feeling that I should be feeling? WHERE IS IT? SERIOUSLY!!! I felt like I'm a loser. Gonna give up so easily. C'mon, this is not me. I'm not a person who gives up that easily, where is my motivation? WHERE WHERE WHERE?
After watching Cinderella Story! I just felt I shall NEVER LET THE FEAR STRIKES YOU OUT BEFORE THE GAME.

Time to hit the sack,

Ciao.

School started

2011-06-27T17:39:00.000+08:00

Lovely people i know! :D
This is just so dreary when school starts, can't believe i'm still slacking all day long. I guess this is it. Time to make a difference in my life soon.
Sometimes I guess I couldn't be a great friend in other people life. I realized I keep knowing new friends and it's just difficult to manage my current friends i have now. Sigh. #Whatisthisseriously

2011-06-23T13:27:00.000+08:00

Just a simple goodbye is able to make me tear so much.
I'm just one emotional guy. Sigh. Every moment I think of my Grandma, I really felt that I didn't do my best as a grandson. I really needa start spending time with her. I don't wanna regret it in the future. COME ON DERRICK! initiate initiate initiate.
I shall just spend my Sunday with her to her church.
May God be with me.

2011-06-20T20:11:00.001+08:00

What are you dreaming?
Jeremiah 2:5' This is what the Lord says: " What fault did your ancestors find in me, that they strayed so far from me? They followed worthless idols and became worthless themselves." '

What you follow, you will become.
How does someone look about and worships will be? money? BF? GF? Academics? Computer games? sex? himself/herself?
You worship your dreams. What are you worshipping right now?
Matthew 11:28-30 " Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and i will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Do you trust God?
Psalms 147:4 God calls each star by name.
" He determines the number of the stars, and calls them each by name"
Genesis 15:5 " He took him outside and said, " look up at the sky and count the stars - if indeed you can count them." Then he said to him. " So shall your offspring be."
Isaiah 40:26 " Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name. Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing."
What more are we to God? The ones who He love us so much that he's able to sacrifice his Only Son to die on the cross for us. We even more precious than the Stars to God.
1) The moment you are born, and
2) The moment you discover what you were born for.
Psalms 139:13 " For you created my inmost being: you knit me together in my mother's womb."
God knows what will make you truly happy.
God is the only one who can forgive you...
Jeremiah 31:34 " No longer will they teach their neighbor, or say to one another, ' Know the Lord,' because they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, " declares the Lord. " For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more."
God has created you fora special purpose.
Do you want to discover what it is?
Jeremiah 29:12-13 " Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and i will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart."
Acts 17:26-27 " From one man he made all the nations, that hey should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us."
Breakthrough in Boldness. Daniel 1.
Parresia Spirit inspire. Speak of inspite of danger/threaten.
Tharreo - to be warm & temperament.
Daniel 1:1-2 " In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim king of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon came to Jerusalem and besieged it. And the Lord delivered Jehoiakim King of Judah into his hand, along with some of the articles from the temple of God. These he carried off to the temple of his God in Babylonia and put in the treasure house of his God."
Daniel 1:6-16
Danel 3:1-15
Bow down to the world, or stand up for Jesus.
Romans 12:1-2
Daniel 3:16-25
Sources of Boldness.
Hebrews 13:6 Awareness of the Presence Of God.
Dan 3:17 " The God we serve is able to save us ......" - knowing God.
Zepaniah 3:17
Proverb 28:1
Lovely preaching by Chris! He's really such a inspiring person to me and I guess to everyone! He really makes us think so deep! We should really at times be Jesus freak like what he says at least that's something unique and outstanding and definitely will create an impact in people in their life!!! Met many awesome kids in Bali! SERIOUSLY! THEY ARE JUST SO ENCOURAGING! INSPIRING! CUTE! & HYPERRR! Just so great to know them! AWWW MAN! It's just such a pity for us to know them for such a SHORT CONFERENCE! but it's was definitely AWESOME!!! LOVE IT TTM!! C'MON NEXT RETREAT!!!

CYCLING BEFORE THE DAY I WENT TO BALI

2011-06-20T01:17:00.000+08:00

Add caption

PRETTIEST PICTURE OF ALL! &HEARTS;

THE BABIS

AWSUM DAY OUT AT THE BEACH

2011-06-15T14:38:00.001+08:00

Yesterday was a greatgreat day for me at Sentosa's beach with Venessa, JennyJung, Pierre, Fred, Lester, Sherwin, Manfred & Clarence!
First hangout with all of them and it came out pretty awesome! LOVE THEM SO MUCH ♥ I just enjoy talking to foreigners! The way they speak is just soooo different & the way the react ! Indescribable~
This outing just makes me feel ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT. Sometimes I do ponder did I made the correct decision of becoming a Christian? But again, if I didn't make this decision I guess I would much screwed up than now and I will still be like a aimless fellow which has no ambition and target for myself. Like what my friend said, If you are happy, you definitely have made the right choice. I guess I'm still quite happy right now. So I shall live with it.
Maybe I hasn't been doing good and didn't st with much people, but anyway at least I tried to get involve with the teens when I'm free. I'M GREAT MAN! (:
Intimacy Vs Isolation :/ Is either we are gonna be alone or we are gonna be in a r/s. Live alone or live with a partner? Love? But I'd reached the age of 25-40 and I already felt I'm going through this stage. I should be still in the stage of Identity Vs Role Confusion :/
But i guess teens nowadays are getting mature very instantly.

Bali in 2 more days!
I'M AWAITING FOR THAT.

Zombies - The Cranberries

2011-06-12T01:56:00.001+08:00

♥ always win

DREARY DAY!

2011-06-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

Woke up late & with my single and double eyelid for each of my eyes just shown me that I'm just so cmi! BUT AT LEAST I'M REACHED ON THE DOT FOR MY LAB LESSON *ELATED*

I did something great today.! I organized an impromptu outing for my class! So random but it worked!!! Hopefully all of them can make it even though I know 2 of my group members won't be able to make it.
Anyway, IT'S HOLIDAYYYYSSSS ! AFTER FRIDAY! C'MON I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOOOO LONG!
Gonna enjoy and have some mini getaway in BALI next week (Y)

Thank God I found you.

2011-06-08T19:25:00.000+08:00

I wonder why some people just couldn't be truthful to their friends. If they're true friends they should just show their temper & everything that they ain't happy about in their face and not telling others. It just so wrong. So what if there will be argument and quarreling?
That is what true friendship is about. No point hiding your emotions and feelings and then telling others. Seriously it just make no sense. True friends are able to go through thick and thin if there ain't any quarrel and argument how can you guys be true friends?
Being hypocrite doesn't make you a good/true friend. It only makes you look good in the outside but in the inside you are still you. Don't dare to express your feelings and emotions to them.

Anyway I have the urge to watch movie alone!
SIGH WHY IS THAT SO? I FELT LIKE I AM LONELYBOY1992!
Maybe I'm mend to be alone.

Expired Pictures

2011-06-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

Note to God.

HANGOUT WITH MY SISTERS

2011-06-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

Late upload of pictures! Cause of the busy ONGWANYU&LEEXINYU. Nvm at least they sent me already :D
IT WAS A GREAT DAY OUT WITH MY SECONDARY SCHOOL FRIENDS ON LAST TUESDAY. Had fun at TIMBRE AND TAUHUI BREAK! It's like a outing for SINGLESSS excluding bodui.
Had a new haircut & it looks AWESOME. Hardly i do feel a like for my hairstyle and this time round i do feel it (: A day out with some of my sisters was great!! Been to my sister's house and it has changed!~ I do really needa give some time for my sisters i guess. I really need to.
TIME MANAGEMENT TIME MANAGEMENT TIME MANAGEMENT!

ONE MORE TEST TO GO BEFORE MY 2 WEEKS GETAWAY WILL COME ABOUT

2011-06-01T23:31:00.001+08:00

Overdue pictures!
Today is JUNEJUNEJUNE. 5 more days & it will mark the forth month of me becoming a Christian. Oh yeah! Time really passes by sooooo fast. I needa keep catching up and keep maintaining the spirit and heart for God.
Today lesson really helps me how to keep motivating myself to do my QT and to have a good foundation in order not to fall away.
It's has been a tough journey, till now I hasn't been feeling good.
Oh man... What shall I do? At times I just felt like seeking God alone and this is it. Nothing more than that. It's seriously just too tiring to face all this emotions. Argh.

That's when I love you - Aslyn

This Girl - Laza Morgan

Total Eclipse Of the Heart - Bonnie Tyler

Note to God - Charice ♥

CRUTCHES

2011-05-27T00:56:00.000+08:00

It's really great to have some race with my classmates on Crutches!
AWESOME RIGHT? SO FUNNN!!!^^ ChanCheeBeng was still a great teacher after all, my perception of him has change after this 6 weeks of lab lesson with him. MARVELOUS TEACHER (:

The best feeling is when others really keep their word and do it. It just makes me feel so important to them like how I always set others before me. Great feeling :D

Finally I know what's the reason lie between me and not wanting to go for activity days and friday service. I guess it's because of the loneliness i guess that others are always together with the same cliques of friends & it's really tough to get into the clique~ It sometimes makes me feel I'm being neglected . It just suckss. Even me, I do neglect people and I feel soooo bad when I think about it. And i guess it's the main reason why I don't really have much goodfriends cause I neglect too many people already. I just can't have the same kinda cliques for-ever. I just can't. It's just not me not to socialize and give some time to some of my other friends & when others ask me out I will just tend not to disappoint them too. But at the same time, it's when I starts to neglect my friends. I do feel that they are just tired of me or even just feeling so sad. Sigh. I just don't know what I can do. I'm seriously stuck.

God please give me a sign

GROUP DATE

2011-05-24T00:35:00.002+08:00

Dated Pamela
& it was my first time having a group date with a bunch of brothers & sisters from church. Awesome experience!
HAHA! Gonna have more of this kinda date soon, so memorable and enjoying! Even though I may have spoiled the ambience of the date thingy with my moody face, ultimately i do enjoyed it regardless of my mood. LOVE YOU GUYS <3

Today is tuesday & I've no school! OH YEAH!!!!!! I SHALL SLEEP LIKE A PIG TILL MY TROUBLES GOES AWAY ~ AND AWAY~

Thank you ahliew for the uploading pictures!

You did keep your word though,

appreciated that alot ♥
Do I look down recently?

2 FREE MOVIE TICKETS AT ENGWAH!

2011-05-22T23:41:00.000+08:00

Done interview and had 2 free movie tickets! HEHEHE. so lucky of me to be the first three person to get interview! Sorry for the rest who are late, don't be jealous kay? (:

IT'S SLUMBER PARTY TIME! I NEEDA SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP. God grant me a goodnight sleep so that tomorrow I won't be feeling so lethargic. THANK YOU LORD. LOVE YOU LOTS LOTS ♥

SMILE

2011-05-22T01:27:00.000+08:00

This song just lifted up my spirit when I'm troubled. Literally it do.
Love the way the song sound, it's just awesome awesome AWESOME!
My Grandma remembered my Birthday all the time. It's something that not all grandma would be able to do at her age. It's just so amazing when she told me that. I'm speechless and felt like there isn't anything greater than that when she passes me the Birthday gift. It just touched me deeply. I just love the feeling, always having someone who remember your Birthday....♥ you Grandma.
I really pray that my Grandma would be alright. Sincerely I do. Everybody is just getting kinda cranky and sulky, hopefully things could get better.

Thank God for everything.
& it's time to do my QT.
SMILE!

2011-05-21T15:26:00.003+08:00

Can I really make a difference?

2011-05-21T12:19:00.000+08:00

Yesterday finale of my hero's lesson for friday night really makes me think deeply.
We humans tend to be negative at times, and what we need to do is to always keep in mind of the positive thing that happen in our life. Always have it with you, anything that enable you to be happy it's a positive thing. There's always up and downs. No point thinking of those negative stuff which makes you feel unhappy and moody.
It's like things we do it cause we really wanna do it(emotional) or do it just because we wanna accomplish them(functional). Like my Qt, going to church. All these stuff has been in my mind. Am I doing it cause i need to? cause I'm a Disciple? cause it's my commitment?

Initiating isn't my forte but i guess it's becoming my forte already.
Maybe it's good thing to begin with ...

It's just tough to face everything alone,

but sometimes I felt better doing it alone.

CELEBRATION WITH MY COUSINS!

2011-05-17T01:20:00.001+08:00

LOVE TODAY ALOT TOO!!!!!! Thank you for those people who appeared and celebrated to me, AND ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO WROTE CARDS TO ME AND EVEN IF I MISS OUT YOUR NAME, YOU ARE LOVED BY ME! ♥ ( MY BELOVED COUSINS- SAMUEL, CHERYL, EELIN, CHERIE, PETER, SHANNON and not forgetting my beloved classmates as well - AH YA, SISTER CHENG, EILEEN, MEISHENG, AISYAH, BAIER, NANA MOE, FATIN &WANIE ) Ps: sorry for leaving you guys out at times, but i'm still trying to plan it well. Hope you guys will understand! ♥

30 MINUTES BEFORE I TURN 19 LAWFULLY

2011-05-15T23:43:00.002+08:00

It's has been a great great day for me! ♥

First time in my life I feel so special! Just love the feeling so much. even though it might not be for long, i still appreciate the people around me & especially those who celebrated with me! Love the banner's messages, texts, twitter comments, gifts and everything ! LOVE THEM SO MUCH! ♥ ♥ ♥ (weejing, yuquan, annie, olivia, kaixin, peixin, sihui , izzulwan, xinru, pamela, ruixian, sharon, puayyen, jenjen, sherry, venessa, xiaozhou, nichola, brenda, debra , steffi, alexis, eugene elliot, ahliew, jason, jadason , my parents, sistersssss!!!!)

I still ponder at times, why i still feel the emptiness in my heart. It just simply kills me deeply. Even though it's my birthday. I still felt something is missing! I just couldn't figure it out! What is missing? I still searching for that something. God tell me what is it.

Even though at times people might be showing the same treatment that I'm showing to them, I will not do that exactly like how they did to me. Cause it isnt gonna work that way. I shall not have grudge and treat people with serving hearts, cause it will just simply hurt our own precisely little winy heart if we really do things for an eye for an eye. It sucks greatly.

JarOfHearts

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

2011-05-15T01:41:00.000+08:00

My New FB DP!

2011-05-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

Out of a sudden, I feel so sensitive and affected by a lot of things!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? SIGH.

Even with the slightest thing that people don't do , can really affect me! When they don't reply my text, don't acknowledge my msg, say what they gonna do and yet didn't fulfill it, eg : writing letter to me.

DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN.
I h8 myself for being so easily affected by others. It sucks ttm.

It's gonna be 1 year anniversary of my *SADDENING BIRTHDAY* Hopefully by then I can be much happier than before.
God, take away all my unhappiness and sadness away for that day & may I be able to control my emotions for once.

Will able to smile like usual?
I sincerely doubt if I can really do that. It seems that people are realizing that I'm kinda moody and gloomy recently.

The people pleaser is dying off soon. Sometimes I wonder what if I stop being a people pleaser for once? Can I do that?

I don't think so. It's like in my blood. I barely able to hurt others. I always put others before me and that's why at times I rather hurt myself and put myself in a difficult position than hurting other people. I guess I'm too empathetic already. Things are just hurting me soooooooo deeply if others can't do what I'm capable of.

I wish you were here ,

God.

Take me away to somewhere better off.

I can't stand all this kinda stupid dumb2 feeling,

for each and every single day of my life.

IT'S KILLING ME.

2011-05-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

Still can't have a great picture with my sister! SHALL WAIT FOR TOMORROW!!! Her camera low batt :( SIGH.
WHY MY FOREHEAD SO LONG & HIGH?

Maybe it's true ,

Maybe we don't know what we have

until we lost it.

But, maybe it's also true

that we don't know what

we're missing until we find it.

Close quarter

2011-04-29T00:11:00.000+08:00

Can my mind just stop comparing about how people treat me and the way i treat them back? It seriously getting nowhere. Nothing is fair in this world. Is either I just keep treating the people I wanna treat them and ignore what they are treating me either in the good ways or the bad way or I should just treat them the way they treated me? Sigh. But it's definitely not Christ-like if I treat them the way they treated me. It's a NO NO. I guess I just needa have a BIGGER HEART in order to absorb all kinds of rejection/sadness and etc.

Today's Close quarter play was a great one! It simply inspired me a lot & makes me ponder even deeper than usual.

I guess it's time to change.

2011-04-27T19:51:00.001+08:00

Pharmacology Test is over. Awesomeness even though it's like a tough only. Forget about it, time to lift up my spirit!!!
My subgroup-mate didn't come for today's test and i don't know what is happening. I hope she will come tomorrow. May God be with her.
Had a great devo by Jason. I seriously think I will go to hell HELL HELL. This is freaking nuts. What am I doing? I always have the feeling of not going to church's activities and stuff but I ended up going in the end. I don't know why, but i still did go. With the initiating idea of not going, is already not appealing to God. And I still had the thought before.
This is screwing me upside down.
The r/s with the brothers making any progress either. It seems like it's going back to square one. This sucks seriously. I wish something will change, shall pray about it.
I don't wanna think anything about r/s but the feeling coming towards me. DAMN! Irritating much.

You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see,

but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.